How to Turn Off a Television

I've been a television viewer now for the better part of 35 years. One of my earliest memories is of The Price is Right. When it was over, it was time for me to go to school - we only had 1/2 day kindergarten and I was blessed with the afternoon slot. When I was 3, it was the tv that alerted my parents to the fact that I couldn't see worth a damn. In order to see what was on the screen, I kept my eyes about two inches from the glass. I'm still unsure whether my folks wanted to get my the medical care I needed, or if I was just in the way of their viewing March Madness. Kidding - sort of.

Thus, with my vast experience with the boob tube, one would assume I was quite adept at operating its On/Off switch. Granted, the invention of the remote may have caused us to sometimes jump through hoops to turn off the cable/vcr/dvr/tv/stereo in a cohesive manner. BUT - it is not rocket science to turn off the television when one is forced to admit that either 1) there is something else that must be done, or less often, 2) there is nothing on worth watching.

The television in my living room is small by modern standards. It is color - I don't live all the way back in Dark Ages. It has no bells or whistles, just your basic, ordinary, less than 15 button remote control. Aside from the moments when the remote cannot be found (read: my son, the beloved TER, has lost it either between the sofa cushions, or left it in the bathroom!), this magic stick that allows us to sit on our arses while resting catatonic in front of the pretty colors emitted from the accompanying magic box - is what we use to operate the television.

Here's what I do about half of the time though. I point the supernatural wonder we call the remote control and properly press the On/Off button and - GASP - the television is off. No more lights or sound - Off. I see this happen, I know it's off.

The TV is off - I know because Me, Myself and I just turned it off. Then, on my way to the front door to pick up my keys and purse and head on our for whatever errand I probably wished I didn't have to complete, I use my finger to turn the tv Off. But, what have we just learned boys and girls? The tv was already off. Now - it is back On. WTF?

What the hell is wrong with my brain that it cannot retain for three seconds the fact that I just turned it off? I did not turn it back on, and the house is not occupied by poltergeists, ghosts or gremlins who tease me by undoing my button-pushing. And yet, I all-too-frequently turn that damn thing back on as I walk by it immediately after having turned it off from my comfy position on the couch.

Do I stand up too quickly? Does blood rush from my head and take with it all recollection and short term memory? Or is it just a part of aging - akin to walking into a room and not remembering why you went there in the first place? And for added fun - after having turned the tv off - oops, ON - I then refer to myself as an Idiot - aloud. There are times I swear I hear the television and possibly the stereo next to it snickering about me as I walk out the front door.