Sugar Baby!

Good news for me! I am off the hook. My household responsibilities are no more. The water, cable and VEPCO** bills will be paid for me. My salary will now be my fun money, to be spent as I choose, be it on liquor, first-class travel and/or trips to Vegas and Monte Carlo. I need to get on the phone and find myself full-time personal shoppers, maids, chefs, trainers and hairdressers. I feel like Eva Gabor before Eddie Albert moved her out to the Green Acres farm.

My new found life of luxury is due to the fact that I was informed earlier today that my abode actually belongs to my son, not to me at all. I know this because he called to say that he forgot THE keys to HIS house. Luckily, I happen to have a spare set (although I had thought they were the original - oh well) of keys to HIS house, and was able to let him into his personal dwelling. From here on out, I shall consider myself a guest, and expect to be catered to. This plan, however, may be flawed. We're talking here about the odds of TER having any hosting abilities when he can't remember to: flush the toilet; put the milk jug back in the fridge; turn off the light/tv/computer/water faucet; or lock the front door.

Fiddledeedee. I will just be the kind of company who fends for herself, not wanting to be a burden or put anyone out. Besides, I will get enough joy out of knowing that the boy's invisible paycheck will pay for all costs associated with HIS house! He can't kick me out - he needs me to drive him places. He will make the car payment, and I'm happy to cart him to baseball practice. My very own Sugar Baby!

** VEPCO: Predecessor of our current monopolistic electric company, Dominion Virginia Power.*** But I like "VEPCO" and refuse to refer to it as anything else. Just like the little convenience store down the street from my parents' house will forever be Short Stop to me, no matter how many times it changes names and ownership.

*** BTW - never make out a check to Dominion Virginia Power simply as "Virginia Power" - I heard once that crooked bank employees will change the payee to "Virginia Powerston" and run off with your money! Then VEPCO turns off your electricity and in order to call and yell at them, you have to to find a flashlight to find a phone book to look up VEPCO, which you can't find, because it only exists in my head.