A friend told me this evening that “if we were gay cowboys……..I’d quit you…….because you don’t blog.” Damn, girl, glad I’m not a gay cowboy – not that there’s anything wrong with that. They make for some box office gold!
As a straight suburb-girl, I blog for you today. The subject: my fingernails.
I began the awful, disgusting habit of biting my nails in the womb. This is because at that time, my mother still nibbled on hers! That sainted woman was 27 years old before she stopped. That is a fact that might make one cringe, until you learn that I am almost 38 and still bite mine. I can hear your squeals of “eeewwww” now. Don’t worry. I have stopped. For the moment. I think.
In an effort to appear a feminine creature adorned with lovely painted fingers, I wore acrylic tips for years. However, the biweekly ritual of having a sprite-like Vietnamese woman called Kim attempt to beautify my hands became too much – from a financial perspective. As part of my own personal attempt at Recession Salvation, I have given up on my plastic claws. As a result of the years of abuse to which I subjected my keratin stubs, they are very, very weak; and thus are a pain in my ass. Although they are actually “long” enough to poke something, they are practically wobbly. I apply what is purported to be Strengthener every day, but I feel certain that it’s really just shiny goo that smells funny.
The good news for those of you who have cried yourselves to sleep at night over the lack of my postings…………I read that increased blood flow to your fingers can stimulate and increase nail growth. That means more typing for me; and more reading for you!
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